Letting it all out...

I know I haven't been blogging all that much... well... there's a reason for that. I fear I am rapidly approaching the "burn-out" point with my kids. (With both of them, but with Travis especially... it's gotten very difficult around here lately...) I don't really want to come on here and rant and rave about how frustrated I am all the time... or how I haven't been able to even manage a shower for days on end. I also don't want to sugar-coat and gloss over things.... which I already feel I do too much here... but, anyway... something has got to give. I feel just drained... and I get very little in the way of a break.... ok, I'll say it. No break. Not a 100% break. Not ever.

I am beginning to really resent myself, and how I interact with my son. I have had to resort to yelling, swatting (which I REALLY don't believe in!), time-outs in his room, while he's screaming on the other side with the door closed. I don't like this, not one bit. I am at a loss... frustrated... really...

I know this sounds whiny and self-indulgent. I know it was my choice to have kids and stay home with them... I understand all of this. It doesn't change how things are. Anyone who knows me knows I love my kids sooo much... I use humor and snarkiness to diffuse most frustrating things. But jeezus. These kiddos demand every last shred of patience, every last ounce of everything I have to give. I don't know how parents of multiples do it... I would seriously go nutso with more than two.

Ashley barely sleeps all day. Usually, it involves me trying for an hour, just so she will sleep 20 minutes... and that doesn't count the many, many, times Travis will do something purposefully to wake her up. She spends 90% of the time she does sleep nursing. So, it's not like I can pop her in the swing for naps, and get anything done - the last 9 months have been trying to say the least.

I am looking at pre-schools. Most are full, religiously affiliated, or otherwise prohibitively expensive. Jeff's income disqualifies us for any type of cost break... so we need to sit down, and figure out if we can possibly budget $400 a month for us to send Travis to pre-school 3 days a week.

Also, I have started the Sonoma Diet again... because my old way of eating, skipping meals, not caring for myself, it had to stop. I started a Sonoma Diet recipe blog a few years ago, and never kept it updated. http://sonomarecipes.blogspot.com/ I have resurrected it, and plan on keeping it updated for as long as I can. I have started back on my vitamins, and my goal is to be off of my blood pressure meds completely by January 1, 2010.

Anyway.... I am still alive and mostly well... I just need to focus on getting healthier, happier, and better at my job, which is really the most important thing, right? Some days I just need to remember to put my own oxygen mask on first... of that makes any sense at all....

Bah Humbug!

Forgive my absence... as if there is anyone left that reads anyway... save for family and a very few family friends.

To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement... So picture the word "overwhelmed" - and now imagine it as double-bolded-all-caps-locked-red-underlined in a freaked-out looking font - OVERWHELMED!!!!! There... that is me.

Where to start...

The vast majority of our list is as-yet not shopped for... our Christmas cards never made it to fruition... the butter spritz cookies I made yesterday... dry, and mis-shapen. (P.S. Eff you, Martha, oh...and you too Wilton - that replacement cookie press you sent me is first-grade CRAP!)

Our stockings are not yet hung by the chimney with care. And, while I am confessing... we still have not decorated our tree. I doubt we will, either - because it is all I can do to keep Ashley from chewing on the lead-laden boughs and lights, while they are plugged in.

My fantasy of having studio family Christmas pictures taken this year, dashed. The Picture People closed up shop here... and I even had coupons. Lame. The calendar is nearly, but not quite done. There is the also the issue of familial dramz, which is to be expected, I guess.

I had an afternoon of crafts planned for today... we even went to the craft store... and all we have to show for it is one lonely snowflake, and 1 of the 3 WonderPets in felt-ornament form. Linny... if you are at ALL interested. The baby screamed the whole time... I was beyond frustrated, and Travis kept wielding the scissors like a samurai.

And that doesn't even count the fact that I scraped all the caulking out of the Master bath shower Friday...(it was seriously, disgusting....)I had every intention of re-caulking it the same day. Of course, once it was totally scraped out, an hour and a half later, then I realized the caulking we bought (months ago) isn't suitable for use in the shower. Oh, and of course, we STILL have not yet bought the right kind... so, I have showered only twice in the last 6 days... in Travis' bathroom... which sucks much ass. Zero water pressure, and no place to put Ashley so she doesn't crawl around the toilet and do her damnedest to fall into the bathtub - wailing all the while.

Friday evening, I managed to throw my jeans, with my cell phone still in the pocket into the washer.... lovely, no? At least I was able to back up my old contacts... and we pay the insurance fee monthly. $50 later, I had my brand new replacement the very next day.
What else.... oh, every time the baby falls asleep in the afternoon while I am nursing her... like freaking clockwork... Travis has to take a crap, and needs me to get up, while still holding the baby with one hand... to wipe him, and 9 times out of 10, he's already managed to get shit all over the bathroom.

And Little Miss... still thinks she can let go of things while holding on... and falls to her peril... she can scale the stairs (I am waiting on a special-order gate for the bottom of the stairs)- so ALL day long, it's chase her away from the stairs, the tree, the fireplace doors, and every chance she gets she heads over to the entertainment center, messes with the volume, plays with my iPod... tries to hit the power button on the Xbox, Everytime I turn around, it's all I can do to keep her from chewing on the laptop cord... or else I'm removing one of Travis' hot wheels - or the "carpet candy" she finds under T's dining chair from her mouth.

And, finally... how about two days ago when Travis had the mother of all freakout meltdowns in the midst of Safeway... during which I checked out with only a quarter of what I needed... and of course, still will not go back in there with him by myself. Thank god I made lasagna Sunday, or we'd be starving. Oh, and thank goodness for the kindess of a stranger, aptly named "Holly" who helped me get the groceries and the flipped-out child(ren)safely into the van. She said she has 4 kids, so knows exactly how that is. After the last few weeks dealing with the kids (Travis especially, he's getting really out-of-control) I wouldn't be surprised to learn that my tubes spontaneously tied themselves. Just sayin'.

Sooo..yeah... I think that's about it... and while I know some people would KILL to have my problems... it's still no less frustrating, overwhelming, and crazy.

'Tis the Season...

Not much exciting going on lately... which is not really a negative thing, if you ask me. Aside from a couple of random puking episodes by Travis the other night, all has been mostly quiet.

Ashley's 3rd tooth finally broke through... and she is working on her 4th. So far with first foods, avocado seems to be the big favorite. We've done sweet potatoes, applesauce, pears, bananas (which caused back-up issues), and baby oatmeal (only twice - for the same reason as bananas)

Most waking, (and asleep moments) she is either camped out next to me on the couch, nursing... or in a carrier (if we are out) nearly always in arms, either that or getting into trouble by trying to scale the stairs, or mess with various pieces of technology. She loves the Harmony remote, my cell phone, the buttons on the X-Box, and the computer. Her brother's light-up shoes amaze her... and disgust me, in my never-ending effort to keep her from licking them when they get discarded near her reach.

She still hates everyone but me (I am only partially kidding) - she will flirt with daddy and the grandparents while ensconced safely in my arms... but if I dare to hand her over, 9 times out of 10 it is meltdown city.

Travis is doing well... loves his Leapster games...and has memorized the entire opening sequence of his Sonic Game, replete with hand actions. He loves Mario Kart on the Wii. He's mouthy, and punky, and loving, sweet, and cute all at once. He is 100% using the potty during the day. I am so proud of him! Once we are out of the Pull-ups we have, I won't buy anymore, except for possibly the night time ones.

He's really getting very good at communicating very articulate thoughts... yesterday, after watching Wall-e with me and my mom he said:

"Mommy, for halloween I can be Wall-E, and Grandma Mary can be Eve. You can be a witch or something!"

Ok... I will try my best not to be offended by that statement.

Travis is really getting the idea of Christmas this year. He asked to hear the "Jingle all the way" song today. I put some Christmas songs back on my ipod, and we listened to them today.

I really want to start decorating, and maybe we will get some holiday pictures taken this weekend if the kids are agreeable.

And as for me... I still have not used my scrummy bubble bath or my new bathtub, or colored my hair.

Yeah, besides wrangling the kiddos...I get next to nothing accomplished during the day... but I guess they are only this young once, and housework will always be there.

I did get some lip gloss from Sephora.com, and so actually wore makeup this week, and tweezed my eyebrows the other day. My jeans are getting bigger, although I can't find my scale... I know I am losing weight. After the holidays, I am planning to start a modified version of the Sonoma Diet once again (so I will still be able to nurse) - and still lose some weight.

So, that's about it....

Crossing off my to-do list slooowly, slooowly.

Today, I worked on our annual digi-scrappped calendar for several hours. Hubby installed Photoshop CS3 last week. I like it better than CS2 except for a few nit-picky things.

I also swept and mopped the kitchen, wiped down the fridge (which ALWAYS has smudges on it) also the dishwasher, oven, microwave. Oh, and dusted the entertainment center.

The one downside to having more room, is... um...having more room/rooms. They get dusty, cluttered, etc just eveything is more spread out, so it seems cleaner. HA!

Also? Something kinda weird... our toilets (all 3) had black rings in them when we moved in. Not too shocking, since the house was empty for many months before we bought it. I have cleaned them all very well with bleach-based toilet cleanser. I am generally very anti-chemical... I use natural cleansers whenever possible. (Except for my Swiffer Wet-Jet, and then I open all the windows!) Anyway, after a few days the black ring keeps coming back. What gives? Any ideas?

Fall Back...

My kids? They will be the death of me. Seriously. 7:00am waking, no nap having little urchins. Daylight savings can kiss my ass!

Besides that, we had a good day today. We went to the member's preview of the opening of the new Children's Museum. We had a nice lunch at the park... Picked some stuff up at Trader Joe's, and stopped by our storage to get the high chair and BOB Jogger for Ashley.

We were planning on giving the baby her first solids tonight... which has previously been delayed due to teething, and excessive crankinessm, and....
Well, she will have those sweet potatoes that are in the freezer another day (hopefully) this week.

Honestly? I don't really care. I am so not stressing on it. She is only a tiny bit over 15 pounds at barely 7 months... and breastmilk is the best thing for her. I did pick up some bulk hulled millet from Whole Paycheck to make into cereal for her...

The thing I am stressing on? Her insistence on standing. Already. Oh, and then letting go of her support... and repeatedly falling on her head. Thank goodness I caught her today as she launched herself backwards towards the tile floor. Yeah, let's try and avoid brain damage, ok, little girl?

.....Aaand exhale!

Well, it's been a week in the new house...Yes, I am still alive... we're slowly settling in...adjusting to the sheer amount of SPACE, and in general, we are already really much less stressed. Or, at least I am... We are, of course, still trying to sort through the wreckage...err, boxes, etc. More update soon...

Second Child Syndrome...

Poor Ashley... she's definitely our second kid. Not only is it never quiet around here...in-utero she was treated to the soothing sounds of me constantly yelling at her brother.

"Travis, be careful" "Travis stop that!" "Travis listen to me!" "TRAVIS! TIME! OUT!!!"

By contrast, Travis luxuriated in the gestational soundtrack of classical music and calming voices since I worked in a medical office the entire time I was pregnant with him.

Beyond that, it occurred to me that gotten very few new toys.

She's got Travis' old "Giggle Ball" aka "Baby Anvil 2000" and various jingly/dangly toys for her play gym (which was also T's) and some stuffed rattle things.

In the last few days we have handed Ashley the following "non-toy" things to play with (while supervised, of course):

A plastic hanger (which she played with for about 15 minutes laying on our bed while we started packing the master bedroom)

A Seal CD (out of the case) (no sharp edges, shiny, lightweight, rainbow-y)

Just now as I was typing this entry, an Altoids gum tin (still wrapped in its packaging) she happily shook it, and whacked it on the desk, making all kinds of joyful noise. Good times! :)

Paper towels & their empty rolls
One of Ashley's favorite things to do when we are eating is to wave a crumpled paper towel around, and smack it everywhere. We let her keep it until she tries to eat it.

As much as all of the above are highly entertaining, when I am next at Target, I'll most likely find something new for her to play with... but pretty much anything there is made-in-China crappy plastic. Ugh.

Perfect timing, huh?

Root canal. Oh JOY! That's ok... We had too much $ anyway!! :b

Washable? Ha!

Gah!!!! While I was unloading the dishwasher a few minutes ago, Travis came out. I cleaned up his room this morning, and he had been playing happily with his train set - or so I thought.

He came out, and his arms, face, and legs were teal. He happily exclaimed he drew with the marker! My heart sank, as I dried my hands, and followed him down the hallway. There was marker all over the TV in my room! Oh, and my bedroom door! How effing exciting!!!

So, I did what any bad mommy would do... I lost my shit... I yelled at him to find the goddamned marker. He swore he didn't know where it was. I turned the tv to the "blue screen" and told him no more tv until he found the marker.

I was able to wipe the tv off, no problem - with a baby wipe. The door? Motherfucker. I cannot get it cleaned off. Not with babywipes, or rubbing alcohol... or even spray-on sunblock (a remedy I found online). So, I am going to get a Mr. Clean Eraser and hope for the best.

Of course, this happens just a few days before we give our notice, too. Loooovely!!

Dear Crayola:

I bought your so-called "Washable" Markers for this very reason. Kids draw on things. Things that are NOT. PAPER. I tried your stain-removal remedies, and then some.

Teal AKA Azul Verdoso AKA Bleu Sarcelle is still on my damn door.

I have just one thing to say....

Fuck You! Andate a la mierda! Vas te Faire Foutre!

XOXO

~TJsMommy

Home Sweet Home?

I've been absent... not for lack of things to write about... but by not wanting to jinx things.

We found a house, and are in escrow. Perhaps I should call it "an escrow-ish state" - because we still need some documents... like the signed contract from the seller (in this case a large bank...) *cough* countrywidebofa/omgwtfbbq!

There has been both an inspection and appraisal... the inspection went very well. The house is in faneffingfabulous condition. The appraisal... it went -ish. The appraiser was apparently concerned that we were paying over list price - Hi, ever heard of multiple offers? He was also voicing speculation that the price we were paying was a considerable amount more than other recently closed homes in the area.

Yeah, about that... a lot if not most of those homes had Issues. Wall to wall gawdawful technicolor trashed carpeting, holes in the walls, generally run-down, non-permitted additions, you name it! We saw scads of houses that would have required need tens of thousands of dollars in repairs/upgrades. Some of which we walked into and literally turned RIGHT around and walked out. And even with their glaring flaws, they were listed the same or more than the home we put the offer on. Which really only needs appliances, window coverings and a tiny bit of painting (the room Jeff would use for his home office is eye-searingly bright-ass Disney paint... aqua? So, yeah... needs to be repainted. A bit of touch-up paint in the living room... and we're good to go.

But, we are waiting in an almost/but not quite there.... stuck in a holding pattern. I have this uneasy feeling I can't shake. The not knowing makes me crazy. The feeling that the rug could be yanked right out from under us at any moment.... sigh. Crossing fingers...

So, barring any craziness, we *should* be closing on the 19th of September. Wish us luck...

Got Milk?

Minutes ago, Travis emerged from his room, where he had been playing quietly for a few minutes. I figured he'd come out to tell me he went poop, or something.... as that's usually where he prefers to go. However, this time, he cheerfully thrust a lidded-sippycup (Diego take-n-toss) into my hand.

"This milk smells gwoss" he said.
I took one look at the curdled contents, and gagged.

"Travis, did you drink this?" I asked him... realizing that it was from yesterday.

I normally do not allow any liquids outside of the living/dining room... but yesterday he'd requested a refill after lunch... the rest of the milk in the carton. So, I brought it into his room and told him to drink it before we left the house. Then, I changed the baby. And washed my hands, and probably answered the phone, and nursed the baby...and forgot it was in his room.

He made a face, as I poured the clumpy contents into the sink, carefully avoiding our sponges.

"Yeah" He said. And then quickly "No, I can't like that milk"

Oh, crap... I thought. He DID! Or, then again, maybe he didn't. He's usually good about asking about contents before drinking. "Is that clean?" He'll ask.

So, I really have NO clue whether he did. I gave him a glass of ice water... and am hoping for the best.

In other milk-related news... little Miss Ashley has been going through a SERIOUS growth spurt this week. I literally cannot nurse her enough. Yesterday, she nursed for probably 40 minutes out of every hour. My nipples are cracking, and sore. I can't tell if it's comfort-sucking, or nutritional, probably both. I am really hoping she's getting enough. I got a tincture at Pharmaca today, so hopefully, that will help increase my supply. Wish us luck!

Move along, Nothing to see here...

1 tantruming, screaming, freaking out 3 1/2 year old not wanting his teeth brushed plus 1 open bathroom window = 3 cops knocking on our front door at 11:00pm. Scared the crap outta me, I will tell you! Jeff and Travis were reading bedtime stories in T's room when they got here. After a brief look around, they were sufficiently satisfied that we were not, in fact killing our offspring, and went on their merry way.

I could hear them chuckling as they left.

Jeezus.

Ahhh...

Overheard just now... while the Gypsy Kings plays in the background.

Jeff to Travis:

"Hey! No dancing while you're in time-out - it's like 'Footloose'."

ROFLMAO.

It's gonna be a long day...

Travis woke up barfing at about 5:00 am. All over our new 400 count sheets, of course. It was mostly water, but still. So far, he's done it 4-5 times... Poor guy. :(

Wish us luck.

Food is good, mmkay?! :)

We had a lovely romantic anniversary dinner out... and a wonderful Halloween with Travis. Pictures on Flickr of H'ween!

It was definitely nice to have dinner at a place with no crayons on the table! We went to one of our favorite Italian places in downtown called Cibo.

We had a super-yummy dinner. I even had a glass of merlot with dinner. While 4 and nearly 1/2 months pregnant! Shocking! Scandelous! Arrest me now!

Sue me, I'm Italian! I didn't even feel a little tipsy. :p

We had:

ANTIPASTO MISTO
calamari fritti, crab cake, bruschetta, grilled prawn, half an artichoke (grilled on a wood grill, and topped with chopped tomatoes, basil, and olive oil)

SPAGHETTI DELLA CASA (me)
Pasta straws, baby shrimp, with a pesto vodka cream sauce (holy crap it was yummy!!)

TAGLIATELLE BOLOGNESE (Jeff)
Thin pasta ribbons with a rich tomato meat sauce, and a side of their house-made italian grilled sausage.

Neither of us had room for dessert, and I ended up taking half of my pasta home and had it for lunch yesterday. Helloooo heartburn!

Last night we (well - I) carved our pumpkin, and we took Travis out Trick-or-treating. My dad came with us, and we went out to Papa Chanos for dinner.

Travis had fun.... but the neighborhood we went to, even though it was really good last year, was mostly dark. Maybe we started out too late? I don't know. He didn't get that much loot, but he had fun. :)


We went to the grocery store today, and got some 1/2 off candy anyway. We are... I mean the kid is set. :)

Travis didn't want to wear his costume last night at first, but he got into character (Superman!) and the first thing he asked for this morning was to put his costume back on. And, yes, he wore his costume almost all day. Even to the grocery store. I t was a nice diversion, considering I didn't get a chance to shower this morning. Instead of looking at my and my oily hair, people were smiling and paying attention to the cute kid in the cart instead! Endearing and cute? Yes. BUT, we'll see how that flimsy costume holds up over the next week, though. Yikes!

Right now, I am making a yummy pot roast in my slow cooker. I am using a recipe from my "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook!"


I am also going to roast fingerling potatoes, baby yams, pearl onions, cauliflower, zucchini, carrots, parsnips, and turnips - really simply with olive oil, garlic, and salt and pepper. Yummy!

"Our Best Pot Roast with Roots"
from "Not your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook"
Use medium oval or large round or oval slowcooker
Serves 4-6
Setting & Time Low for 8-9 hours


2 T olive oil, or more as needed
1/2 cup finely diced carrot
1/2 cup finely diced celery (including some leaves)
1/2 cup finely diced onion
1/2 cup finely diced turnips

3 lb boneless chuck roast, trimmed of all visible fat, patted dry
1/2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper
1/2 cup dry red wine
3/4 c. water

In large, heavy skillet, heat 1 T of the olive oil, over medium-high heat. Cook the veggies, stirring a few times, until softened, about 5 minutes. Transfer to the slow cooker.

Heat the remaining 1T oil in the same pan, and add the chuck roast. Cook until well- browned, about 3 minutes per side. Add another bit of olive oil if needed before flipping over. (I was using a stainless pan, so needed the extra oil to keep roast from sticking.)Season with salt and pepper, add to the slow cooker on top of the veggies.

Pour wine into the skillet, bring to a boil. Scrape up brown bits, and boil until wine has reduced to a syrupy consistency, 1-2 minutes. Pour wine over the roast. Add the water, and bring to a full boil. Pour over the roast. Cook 8-9 hours on low.

To serve:

Transfer meat to a cutting board, scraping any clinging bits of veggies back into the cooker. Pour veggies & liquid through a mesh strainer set over a bowl. Use a spoon to press sll the liquid possible from the veggies. Discard veggies. ALlow liwuid to settle for a few minutes, and skim off as much fat from the surface as possible. Slice roast against the grain, and serve with the gravy.

Note: If the roast is cooked for the full 9 hours, it may be too tender to slice. If this happens, serve the fork-tender chunks over egg noodles, corkscrew pasta, or mashed potatoes to soak up the juice.

Video Madness!!!

Upon realizing my camera takes pretty good video, thereby eliminating the need to fuss with the video camera.... here ya go! Travis is making his internet debut.... playing with Play-doh, and shaking it to the Wiggles. For some reason, the last two are upside down for the end of them. Dunno why!! I'm sure it's 'cause I'm a huge dork. Enjoy!!



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