Letting it all out...

I know I haven't been blogging all that much... well... there's a reason for that. I fear I am rapidly approaching the "burn-out" point with my kids. (With both of them, but with Travis especially... it's gotten very difficult around here lately...) I don't really want to come on here and rant and rave about how frustrated I am all the time... or how I haven't been able to even manage a shower for days on end. I also don't want to sugar-coat and gloss over things.... which I already feel I do too much here... but, anyway... something has got to give. I feel just drained... and I get very little in the way of a break.... ok, I'll say it. No break. Not a 100% break. Not ever.

I am beginning to really resent myself, and how I interact with my son. I have had to resort to yelling, swatting (which I REALLY don't believe in!), time-outs in his room, while he's screaming on the other side with the door closed. I don't like this, not one bit. I am at a loss... frustrated... really...

I know this sounds whiny and self-indulgent. I know it was my choice to have kids and stay home with them... I understand all of this. It doesn't change how things are. Anyone who knows me knows I love my kids sooo much... I use humor and snarkiness to diffuse most frustrating things. But jeezus. These kiddos demand every last shred of patience, every last ounce of everything I have to give. I don't know how parents of multiples do it... I would seriously go nutso with more than two.

Ashley barely sleeps all day. Usually, it involves me trying for an hour, just so she will sleep 20 minutes... and that doesn't count the many, many, times Travis will do something purposefully to wake her up. She spends 90% of the time she does sleep nursing. So, it's not like I can pop her in the swing for naps, and get anything done - the last 9 months have been trying to say the least.

I am looking at pre-schools. Most are full, religiously affiliated, or otherwise prohibitively expensive. Jeff's income disqualifies us for any type of cost break... so we need to sit down, and figure out if we can possibly budget $400 a month for us to send Travis to pre-school 3 days a week.

Also, I have started the Sonoma Diet again... because my old way of eating, skipping meals, not caring for myself, it had to stop. I started a Sonoma Diet recipe blog a few years ago, and never kept it updated. http://sonomarecipes.blogspot.com/ I have resurrected it, and plan on keeping it updated for as long as I can. I have started back on my vitamins, and my goal is to be off of my blood pressure meds completely by January 1, 2010.

Anyway.... I am still alive and mostly well... I just need to focus on getting healthier, happier, and better at my job, which is really the most important thing, right? Some days I just need to remember to put my own oxygen mask on first... of that makes any sense at all....

Terrible 3s

I figured something out.... I am officially screwed. Yup, you heard me. I have no control over this little boy anymore. He's officially INSANE!

It really started up a few weeks ago.... he had a language explosion of sorts. As in, he started stringing together short sentences... and I got kind of excited. You know.... cause now he could use his new-found abilities to communicate better with us. And life, as we know it would get easier. Right? Oh wrong. Wrong. WRONG!

His first foray into the multi-sentences went something like this: "Hey! Give that back! That's not Yours! That's Travis'!" Oh, it was cute the first oh, hundred times. Now? I want him to unlearn it, post-haste.

Oh, that's not the worst of it... he's learned from, godknowswhere.... this faux high-pitched dog whistle. So, it's all "Wheeewwheew!" "HEY! Give that back!" Always with that fake-ass stupid, obnoxious, disrespectful effing "whistle" - and he does it like 50,000 times a day. I want to scream. I really, really do. He uses this tactic with us, with kids at the park, kids at the Children's Museum in town, and it freaking SUCKS! I hate, hate, haaate it. He uses it whenever we tell him something he doesn't want to hear, or when we try and discipline him, and lately that is often.

Plus, it's been raining, and look at the forecast for next week!



Joy, huh?!

In this town - there's not a whole lot to do inside-wise. We have no indoor malls, and the kid's museum failed miserably the other day, due to the above obnoxious behavior. I had to drag him LITERALLY kicking and screaming from the museum because he was pulling that crap with the other kids, and hoarding the toys, and not listening.

Also, we haven't re-newed our Aquarium membership... because

1. It's Expensive.
2. The Kid's area is being remodeled, and won't be opened until April. This is one of the sole small closed- off areas in there for toddlers and pre-schoolers.
3. I CANNOT chase him all over the entirety of the Aquarium right now... I am nearly 7 1/2 months pregnant, and achy, sore, and otherwise NOT going to do it.

I am tired. Tired of the yelling, the screaming, the tantrums. I'm tired of being unhappy. Tired.... Tired of being achy, tired of being cooped up inside. Just stick a damn fork in me, already.


Don't get me wrong. I love my son. I love him with all my heart. I just really don't LIKE him right now.