All celebrated out...

Make a Wish!, originally uploaded by tjsmommabear.

Our 3rd and final birthday celebration for Travis was awesome! The Grandparents went all out for this one. They got Travis a Diego bike with training wheels. The Diego cake turned out really well, too. I was a bit nervous about whether the edible icing transfer would work out... but it did awesomely... and I am happy to say I did NOT spend 3+ hours hunched over a cake piping out 10,000 fucking buttercream stars like I did the previous 2 years. Woohoo!! Even worse was last year when I was very pregnant and did so without the benefit of many glasses of wine.

But, now? I am tired. I did get up too damned early this morning. Grandma and Daddy are taking care if story time right now. I think we are going to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour tomorrow! Woohoo!! :)

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Today, my sweet boy turned 4. Just like that... impossibly quickly. We had a good day. Well, except when his butterfly balloon sailed up into the sky. That resulted in many tears, and a very upset birthday boy. Between sobs he told me we needed to get a parachute to get it. His 4 year old logic, even in his time of despair made me smile inside, even as my heart broke for him. We solved the crisis with a few phone calls. Daddy brought a replacement butterfly balloon home after work with him, much to Travis' delight.

We went to dinner at Chili's and he enjoyed unwrapping his gifts and devoured his Lava Cake with such voracity, we were shocked, considering he hadn't seemed very hungry at dinner. We got him a Leapster set with the Wall-e game. He loves it! :)

I can't believe how fast my little man has grown right before our eyes. I want to do a collage with birth, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, & 4th birthday pictures. My backup drive is giving me issues right now, so that will have to wait until a later time.

Hapy 4th birthday to the sweet, trying little boy who first made me a mommy. I am far from perfect, but you remind me everyday that perfection is not necessary. Just trying your best, is perfect enough! :)

31

Well, I turned 31 today. 31. It seems like that is impossible... wasn't I just 21 a few short years ago? Yeah, try 10 not-so-short ones. How did the time start going by so fast? Well, 31 feels just like 30.... except...on my last birthday, I was pregnant with Ashley - just barely, though. Just 5-ish weeks... cells, rapidly forming...and now, she's here... this chunky monkey 4 month old bundle of sweetness. And, don't even get me started on how big Travis has gotten in the last year. He's taller, cuter, smarter, more challenging than ever before.

I am a mother of two children. A wife of 11 years.
We're in the process of looking for a house to buy... our first home.
We pay our bills, our taxes...vote...
I drive a minivan for eff's sake!
For all intents, and purposes, a full-fledged responsible adult.

Some days, I'd give anything to be 20 again, with far less responsibility... less money, less stuff, less thought as to what goes on in the world.

It would be nice to visit, 20 - sure... but I am certain I'd want to come back to 31.

31, where this morning I was greeted with a cheerful "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" by the cutest little boy ever. The little boy who will be 4 in a few months - and at this time next year, rounding 5.

Also, this morning I was greeted by demands for milk by the cutest chubbable little baby girl. Who, at this time next year, will be over a year old.

It's amazing how a year changes nothing, yet everything, all at once.

Toughing it out...

I've been somewhat reluctant to blog lately... but I guess it needs to happen... I look back at the first three months of Travis' life... and it seemed to be an entirely different ballgame. We were sleep-deprived, sure... but everything else was like a complete 180 of what we're going through with Ashley. Travis was a happy, easy baby. Ashley is not. I could nurse Travis, and then put him in the swing, asleep, so I could go pee, or load the dishwasher... and he'd stay that way for a good hour or two. With Ashley, she flips out. She's a very light sleeper, and has to be ON me at ALL times. I spend a good part of each day on the couch, with her in the crook of my arm, one-handed on the laptop.

Travis would snuggle on Jeff's chest every night, asleep, while we watched television. Ashley screams and cries whenever I hand her over to daddy. I have just realized, that there are no pictures of Jeff holding Ashley besides at the hospital, and the ones his mom took over this past weekend. I took a shower Monday at the IL's.... and Ashley screamed the entire time while Jeff held her.

Every night she cries. And cries. And cries. It's getting to the point where I just try and block out the crying, and that is upsetting. I am not a "Cry it Out" kind of mom... and, yet, it seems like that's what we have to do at times with this one. I try and nurse, rock, hold, bounce... and they don't do any good. So, eventually, out of sheer frustration, she gets put in her swing to cry. I don't know what else to do.

I feel bad for even saying this... but I am not enjoying my baby girl very much right now. I told Jeff this last night during dinner. He agreed. "I don't have my girl yet." he said, a bit sadly.

I know this will pass... it will. And this will all be just a chapter in the book of our parenting experiences. We will get through... there is light at the end of the tunnel... right now, it just doesn't feel that way. And, that's the honest truth.

Project Blue Puppy cake.

Cake? Baked, from a box, cooling on a rack right now.

Buttercream? Made. From scratch. Fluffy and just as achingly sweet as it ever was. Now with Non-hydrogenated shortening!

Tinted? (Yes! All 7 colors...) Blended, mixed, compartmentalized in Ziploc storage containers, tucked away in the fridge.... ready for buttercream hell tomorrow.

Hands? Also tinted. Purple, blue, pink, red. I look like I'm afflicted with some Technicolor skin disease.

I must really love this kid! :)

Kid is sleeping on the couch after a birthday dinner at Bubba Gump's and a chocolate brownie sundae at Ghirardelli.

He napped not today.... which means neither did I. But at least my bathroom is clean.

Party down!

I hereby decry Travis' 3rd birthday a success! Well, how could it not be, with presents and CAKE? Actually, we're doing 3 celebrations. Yesterday, his actual birthday was a Great Grandma's house. Friday night will be celebrated with my dad, by going out to dinner with MORE cake, presents, etc.... and then Saturday, we're going up to Jeff's family's for birthday #3. I'm sure presents will also be making an appearance there, too. ;)Also, I will be decorating a Blue's Clues cake. With many, many million blue star-tipped-buttercream-icing-piped stars. Entirely without wine. Unlike the Mickey Cake of last year. Because, I am, in fact, secretly a masochist.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Happy Birthday to you, my sweet little man! I can't believe you've already been here with us for 3 years! We already could never imagine life without you! I can't wait to see you continue to grow, and learn. Travis, you continue to amaze us with your brightness and charm, each day! Your sweetness, and empathy toward others is truly remarkable, and I hope you keep that with you throughout your life.

I wish you all the continued happiness, and love that the world has yet in store for you, little man.



Love always,

Mommy