Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Toughing it out...

I've been somewhat reluctant to blog lately... but I guess it needs to happen... I look back at the first three months of Travis' life... and it seemed to be an entirely different ballgame. We were sleep-deprived, sure... but everything else was like a complete 180 of what we're going through with Ashley. Travis was a happy, easy baby. Ashley is not. I could nurse Travis, and then put him in the swing, asleep, so I could go pee, or load the dishwasher... and he'd stay that way for a good hour or two. With Ashley, she flips out. She's a very light sleeper, and has to be ON me at ALL times. I spend a good part of each day on the couch, with her in the crook of my arm, one-handed on the laptop.

Travis would snuggle on Jeff's chest every night, asleep, while we watched television. Ashley screams and cries whenever I hand her over to daddy. I have just realized, that there are no pictures of Jeff holding Ashley besides at the hospital, and the ones his mom took over this past weekend. I took a shower Monday at the IL's.... and Ashley screamed the entire time while Jeff held her.

Every night she cries. And cries. And cries. It's getting to the point where I just try and block out the crying, and that is upsetting. I am not a "Cry it Out" kind of mom... and, yet, it seems like that's what we have to do at times with this one. I try and nurse, rock, hold, bounce... and they don't do any good. So, eventually, out of sheer frustration, she gets put in her swing to cry. I don't know what else to do.

I feel bad for even saying this... but I am not enjoying my baby girl very much right now. I told Jeff this last night during dinner. He agreed. "I don't have my girl yet." he said, a bit sadly.

I know this will pass... it will. And this will all be just a chapter in the book of our parenting experiences. We will get through... there is light at the end of the tunnel... right now, it just doesn't feel that way. And, that's the honest truth.
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6 comments:

Texasbelle said...

That exact thing happened THREE times to Shan, with each of our girls. It just took them a little longer to acclimate to Daddy. Now they are his biggest fans. It is going to happen!! In the meantime, try and put a positive spin on it. You are her sun and moon!

Rachael said...

Oh girl I am so sorry! Ashley sounds almost identical to Keaton as a baby. For the first four or so months of his life he was crabby, and only wanted me. He would get up 15x's a night and some days I truley wondered if I would ever like my baby. I so feel for you. But it will get better. Keaton is our best sleeper and most mellow child. He also think John hung the moon. So you just have to push through this crappy time and it will be awesome soon!

mama says: said...

That is sooo exactly wht my second baby was like! The Fussy Baby Book by Dr Sears had some good suggestions. I know the constant crying and needing to be held really wears on mom, and as a child ? the term is Spirited. They are fun kids, let me tell ya ... hah.

Anonymous said...

My first babe was the same way. Oh, I remember nights of walking with her and sleeping with her on my chest and dear lord, all the screaming. It wears on a Mama's nerves. A baby sling helped a lot during those horrible times. How does she take to other women? Maybe you can find a babysitter or a friend who could stand in as the "Mama Couch" for a bit, so you can take a break, maybe get a nap or go to the park with TJ.
*hugz* It's temporary, I promise....it will get better.
Anne
http://www.workingonafullhouse.com

Allie said...

that's how layla was until we started formula. poor thing was lactose intolerant and cried whenever I wasn't holding her. once we switched her to soy (to my breast feeding families dismay) she was healthy and happy. i hope whatever it is in your case finds it way to calm waters soon. you're in my prayers.

Rambling On said...

Oh, mother!! I know how you feel. My son was EXACTLY the same way as an infant and we did not see the light until about,oh,um...6 months old??? Daddy was absolutely useless. I was TIRED out and emotionally drained, but we weathered through it. It will pass. Try not to beat yourselves up to much. It took me a long time to even say I loved my little cryer and even now when he cries, I suffer a little PTSD, and he is almost 4!! That cry!! Have peace knowing you HAVE and ARE doing everything that you can to help her. Heather