Thursday, February 05, 2009

Round and round...

I am stuck in this infinite loop. Get up with the babe before Travis wakes up...pee, (with babe on my lap 99% of the time) coffee, email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs... keep baby from peril...Travis gets up... keep him from messing with baby, keep baby from peril...nurse, breakfast, feed us all, change baby's diaper, nurse, email, Facebook, Twitter,blogs.... dress kids... keep Travis from messing with baby, keep baby from peril...shower (or not), snack,nurse, email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs... keep Travis from messing with baby, keep baby from peril...lunch, leave house, (or not), tv, games, snack, lunch....nurse, hope for nap!!!!, email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs.... finally unload dishwasher....blabla....

It's crazy... I get NO time to myself to do anything I want to do.... yeah, ok.... so I probably have an internet addiction...it's definitely escapism....my connection to the "outside world." But people... I cannot even PEE by myself!!!

I was Hoodwinked, Hornswaggled, Harangued. Kids are great... but they are also INSANE.... and they only seem to get more so with the passage of time. Your life? No longer your own. You look and suddenly crazy amounts of time have passed since you were able to do things you used to enjoy... like knit, see a movie, or be intimate with your own husband, or were even able to finish a thought.

All I know is that it absoutely HAS to get better.... please just lie to me... just tell me it does.

Cause seriously? Two kids is my maximum load... the most I can handle. I doubt my own sanity and competent-ness (wtf... is that even a WORD?!)

I wouldn't trade large parts of it for the world. The soft breathing,the sweet-smelling, the gurgles, coos, affectionate hugs, the open-mouthed baby kisses, the giggles, the belly-laughs...touseled hair, the ability to make the world right with a nursing session, or a hug and kiss - a cookie... the joyful sound of play, the interaction, recognition, the knowlege-aquiring .... the imagination, the word "Mama", hearing "I love you mommy", the singing - the wrong lyrics, and out of key......all these things and so many more.... they make the routine, the drugery, the day-to-day grind is so very, very worth it.



I just need to remind myself of this from time to time....
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3 comments:

Anne said...

Your entry reminded me of exactly how I felt when J was under 1. My 2 kids are 22 months apart and when the youngest was born, this sea of exhaustion/busy chaos washed over me. I didn't come up for air until after his 1st birthday and even then, it took a lot of swimming and hassle to get back where I started. ;-)

OK, enough with the water analogies. I just wanted to say that yes, we all feel that way and yes, it usually calms down after a while....a long while but yes, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Just do yourself a favor: when this passes and you start thinking about having another kid, come back to this entry... ;-)

Personally, the internet was my savior during all of that chaos. I was able to have some adult contact and coversation, thanks to instant messenger, and consult other moms about the "mysteries of kids". I never felt alone...

But yes, a lot got left in translation once the 2nd kid was born. I'm not so anal, I let things slide, and if there weren't deadlines or due dates, nothing would get done...EVEN NOW! LOL

Keep your head up and keep slodging along. You'll make it!

Nellie said...

Are you sure you're not spying on us?!? Crap...Eli's on the stairs and Turner just duped me into putting him down for a nap just to suck on a baba...damn!

Steph said...

It gets better!