Monday, December 05, 2005

Calgon... take me away!

Not to be a bitchy, whiny, ungreatful-sounding mommy... cause, really, I am not! I just think I'm having a bit of mommy burnout. I need a break! Badly. It only took a year and some odd days... but, the time has come. Yup. I love my little boy with everything I have. Really, really, I do. And I feel terrible thinking that I might get in any way resentful of nursing, or co-sleeping, or wearing him in the slings... or staying home with him. I hope I'm not. It's just that I never get any time to myself. Ever. I feel like my patience is wearing thin. With my husband, who is the sweetest man ever... I don't want to feel snappish... especially over stupid little things that don't matter. It's so not me. Sigh.

The boy has an erratic sleeping schedule during the day... sometimes he won't nap at all, other times he sleeps for 2 hours twice a day. He still nurses A LOT! If I had to guess... 8-10+ times a day. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for an hour or more. Even with the solids he eats. And he's never taken a bottle, and won't take my milk from his Nuby cup. I am his pacifier, food source, and security blanket. I love it most of the time. But the last couple of weeks.... I am starting to feel like my marbles are getting scattered. Where does that leave me? I really don't know.

I told hubby I need to join the gym. I need to start making time for myself. This involves eating right, drinking my water, and taking my vitamins. I take such good care of Travis, and I need to do the same for me. An unhealthy, uhhappy mommy, is not what I want to become.
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Rachael said...

Girl! 8-10x a day? How do you do it? I get burnt out and I don't sling, co-sleep, or breastfeed. You need to take some time to yourself before you get too worn down.
I try to get out once a week by myself. Even if I just go to the grocery store or for Coffee. For the first 6 months of Gavin's life I hadn't gotten out by myself. It seriously made me nuts.
I hope you gets some time to yourself soon!

Mama C-ta said...

I can relate...well sort of I haven't been doing it nearly as long as you have. But Julian's sleep sucks night or day unless I'm with him and he still wakes up like 5+ times a night, he nurses a lot and won't take a bottle or pacifier! I sling and co-sleep, etc and then when husband comes home I snap too. I don't even feel like I'm stressed when I'm home alone w/J but as soon as Bryan walks in the door it all comes out of nowhere. And then Bryan wants to hang out and I want to scream I JUST WANT TIME TO MYSELF!

You are right though, need to take care of yourself first and everyone will benefit.