Thursday, June 02, 2005

Deep dark secret....

This week has gone by SO freaking fast! I can't believe it's nearly over.... We went to my MIL's last weekend. A fun time was had by all! We barbecued and ate lots of good food. We took Travers shopping, and swimming, and our hotel had free high-speed internet. My sister-in-law graduates from H.S. next week. It's SO hard to believe that she is the same little girl who I used to give baths to, and the same little girl who nearly needed to be rushed to the ER the night Jeff proposed to me 10 years ago. (Lobster allergy... Benadryl took care of it, thankfully.) Also, I remember when we were at Paramount's Great America, and she had been able to ride Top Gun with us early in the day, and when we stood in line later on (for like 45 minutes, in the sun...) the guy at the front absolutely refused to let her on the ride, saying she wasn't quite/ tall enough. Tears ensued. Now she's all big, and going away to college... amazing.

I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago... I'm embarassed to admit it, but... I fell about 10 credits short of graduating high school with my class. (Class of 1995) Mostly, it was due to the fact that I had a severe attendance problem the last 3+ months of my Senior year. I moved out of my mom's dysfunctional house and in with my dad. I moved 30 miles away from my school, and my then fiance, now husband lived with my dad too. I had to take the public transportation to school... an hour each way. It sucked big ass. Senioritis set in a bad way... and I eventually stopped going altogether.

Anyway, my dad was so laid-back he didn't make me go to school if I didn't want to, so I didn't... I ended up failing my AP British Lit and my Econ class. So, I'm going to finish my classes and FINALLY get my diploma.

I was a SUCH goody-goody before then... to extreme measures. Even though I knew we couldn't afford college... I pushed myself as if the money were going to magically materialize. I took all AP classes, the SAT, I did 4+ hours of homework every night. I did extra credit, and summer projects. I went in at 6:30 am to make up Chemistry labs. (My senior year... I took Chem, even though I didn't need it to graduate... because it looked good to colleges to have 4 years of science.) My GPA was 3.75 at all times. It was sad, really. I had no life whatsoever. I was somewhere hoping that college was still possible... it became obvious that it wasn't going to pan out. We couldn't afford it, not at all. Not even a payment plan with the lowest monthly payements. AND grants, and scholorships. Nada. I had been fooling myself.

I had planned on going to France as an exchange student for a year after H.S. We had a host family all lined up, and everything. I took 4+ years of French, and spoke it very well... (at the time) But I found the love of my life... and there was NO WAY I could leave him for a year. No way at all. Being engaged at 17 is a funny thing. I went from having NO freedom whatsoever at my mom's to having complete adult freedom at my dad's overnight. I was young and irresponsible... and now I'm going to do something about it.

It just never really mattered to me before... I have had great jobs, and I consider myself of above average intellect. Honestly, no one has ever asked me for my diploma. I just feel now that I have Travis... it's hypocritical if I try to tell him that education is a priority, if I know I never followed through with my own.

So, now you know my deep, dark secret...
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1 comment:

Anne said...

WOw. That is quite a story and it reminds me how many different versions of highschool there are/were/and will be between individuals. Did you have to get a GED or is there any way for you to make up these two courses to get your diploma? Do you even need it now other than to feel some closure with that part of your history? Seems like you did very well in school and at some point (after your kid(s) are grown) you could attend college if you so desired. Seems to me that college/learning in general is wasted on too many of the young who never appreciate it.