Onward, and upward!

I read something recently that gave me pause.

"You are becoming the parent you are now."

I realize that I need to refocus on the most important things... celebrate the little things, enjoy this time to the fullest, because it is zipping by faster than I could ever had imagined.

I have had some time lately to reflect on things, and internally reorganize my priorities.

I am constantly worrying about things, and I am going to work on trying to push some of that stuff into the background. Work on being more positive. More present. More balanced. Just more me.

So... I'm moving blogs. If anyone even still reads... or even still cares. It's time. To leave this blog behind... and start again fresh, new. Obviously, I am more than just "Tjsmommy" now.

I am still working on importing my old entries - just to have them in one place - I need to get it looking the way I want and then I should be regularly updating again soon.

So, if you want to know my new whereabouts... just comment and I will see you on the flip side.

We're going to Disneyland!!

Depleted

I don't quite know where to start... This may sound whiny and self-indulgent... But I really don't care. I don't like me right now. I see patterns emerging from my own childhood... Words are flung around in the heat of parental frustration... things I am immediately sorry have escaped my lips. Tones used, shouting, yelling... Perpetual scowl lines etched into my forehead. Not enough real interaction...

I feel neglectful of them, of him, the upkeep of our home, of myself. Going through the motions... Not proud of myself. I don't know when this funk started, or when or how it will go away. I feel flat, frustrated, empty, negative... Unbalanced. In disarray. 16 months is too long for postpartum depression, right?

I think I have been in denial. Short of going on medication, I don't know what else to do. I have two gorgeous children, the sweetest husband, a beautiful home. I know these days of my children's youth are precious and few. I don't want to squander these days. I don't want to resent them... To look forward only to the silence at the very end of the day, once they finally drift off to sleep. I want to be present, fun, whimsical, reasonable, hopeful. I just want to be me again.

And again...

And again...
Originally uploaded by tjsmommabear

Trying unsuccessfully to get Ashley to use her newest word "hungry". Of course, as soon as the video was over she said it a bunch of times!

This may save my blog yet...

Seriously. I just got the BlogPress app. It's not perfect... but for $3.00 it works. So now I can blog while out and about.... Chasing Baby Girl around and trying to keep her safe from herself. The climbing everything in sight thing is getting pretty effing old. Wish me luck trying to keep her out of the ER and me out of the Nuthouse.

FOB2Y

You Are a Green Smoothie

You are a conscientious, health oriented person. You like fresh, whole foods. You have an open mind about life. You enjoy all sorts of things, and you're not picky. In fact, you believe the best things in life tend to be underrated or a bit intimidating. You are bold and daring. You enjoy taking risks and living life to the fullest.

What Flavor Smoothie Are You?

Chatty Ashley....